Movie Hypotheticals Pt. 4

let's talk about some scenarios

Movie Hypotheticals 4: Ghost Protocol

We’re back with one of my favorite things I do for this newsletter, the movie hypothetical. If you aren’t familiar with the movie hypothetical™️ it’s essentially this

The only difference is it’s not a scientist putting a mouse or rat in a situation, it’s me putting also me into a situation that was in a movie and playing out how I would react as candidly as possible.

You can read Movie Hypotheticals Part 1 here.

You can read Movie Hypotheticals Part 2 here.

You can read Movie Hypotheticals Part 3 here.

Let’s put this beast into some situations.

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Question: Which Ken Doll would I be in the upcoming BARBIE movie?

Answer: Easy, I would be this absolute fuckboy “plus size” Ken Doll #13. I have long hair that I often (unfortunately) put up in a man bun. He looks like he’s wearing canvas shoes like Vans or potentially loafers, and that shirt is a shirt I own in 3 different colors. No contest.

insane fit, king.

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Question: What would I do if all the doors and windows disappeared from my house like in SKINAMARINK?

Answer: Getting Skinamarink-ed is honestly an ideal situation for me. My doors and windows disappear and the only thing that works is the television? Incredible. I’m booked for the weekend with a built-in excuse to cancel any pre-existing plans or sudden invitations. “Hey man, would love to come out with you but I am quite literally a prisoner in my own home. Maybe next weekend!”

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Question: How long would I keep dancing in a club after I noticed two guys fighting with guns like in JOHN WICK CHAPTER 4?

Answer: Depends on the song. If it’s a song I don’t care about, I’ll probably bounce pretty quickly. But if they’re playing “No Hands” or “Yeah” or “Where The Hood At” or anything by Dua Lipa, I’ll probably take my chances for as long as the song is on. If the DJ is stringing together back-to-back bangers, I might be done for because I’m NOT leaving the dance floor. I’m trying to throw some ass, brother.

The full extent isn’t really shown in the clip linked above but they’re fighting for a LONG time and nobody is really making a move to leave. I think it’s because the song is so good. That’s the power of music.

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Question: What shoes deserve the AIR treatment and to have a movie made about them?

Answer: Do the CROCS movie, cowards.

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Question: Would I chase the twisters from the movie TWISTER?

Answer: No. I don’t care how much I’m still hot for my ex-wife like Bill Paxton is. I’m getting in the basement and watching the weather reports until it’s over. My ex-wife and I can talk about it over brunch like normal people.

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Question: What animal besides a bear do I think would be funniest to see on cocaine?

Answer: The correct answer is Paddington from PADDINGTON because while he’s technically still a bear, he’s a stuffed animal and that’s very funny to me. I think the answer is squirrels because they already seem like they have ADHD and maybe cocaine would make them really productive. Also, a hippo because the damage factor could be through the roof.

Also, nobody asked for this my opinion on it, but I think COCAINE BEAR really sucked. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. This was clearly a movie that had a title and a trailer and just tried to vibe its way through a plot.

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Question: Can you power-rank the movies you’ve watched recently where one of the stars fucks a fish person?

Answer: Sure.

2. THE SHAPE OF WATER
1. THE LIGHTHOUSE

Followup Question: Would you fuck a fish person?

Answer: We are out of time.

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Thank you, as always for reading Working Title. If you enjoy what we do here, please consider sharing this newsletter and giving us a go with a subscription. Got a hypothetical you want us to tackle next time? Drop it in the comments!

You can also find me on letterboxd and Twitter.

See you soon!